With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, how do the phases of our cycle affect how we are likely to feel on the day?
Imagine that you are in a nice little restaurant with the partner of your choice. There are roses on the table, a candle and a plate of your favourite food has arrived beautifully presented. Your partner looks at you with a loving gaze ….
Pre-ovulation phase (Maiden / Dynamic / Action phase)
Where you are in your phase will depend on how you respond. Early in the phase you may feel a little more gentle and receptive, possibly still tired and low in physical energy from your menstrual phase. But later in the phase you may well be more assertive, analytical, judgemental and full of ‘go getting’ energy. Rather than participating in a romantic conversation, you can find yourself talking through all your current plans, ideas and problems to solve. You may even feel that you don’t really want to be there, even though it is a gift for you, as you are not emotionally engaged. The idea that you may have sex sounds great, but you don’t get turned on by deep emotional stuff.
Solution? If you know in advance you are going to be in this phase, suggest doing something active and outgoing together rather than a romantic, intimate meal for two. Don’t be surprised if you end up having fun and playful sex!
Ovulation phase (Mother / Nurturing / Heart phase)
Your partner has it exactly right this year! You feel loved and validated. You want to look into their eyes, to hold hands across the table, to talk about your feelings and your dreams together. Sadly, if your partner thinks the meal and flowers are enough, they are very wrong! You may well want the box of chocolates, the present, the card, and words of love spoken directly from the heart as well! For a partner who finds it difficult to express their feelings, you may be expecting too much from them in this phase. Also for a partner who is new, you may also be expecting more commitment from them than they are able to give. Either way the meal could end in disaster!
Solution? Enjoy the evening and the attention. Accept everything in the spirit it is given; if there is deep commitment there then that’s great, if not simply accept that commitment takes time to build and what you have now is wonderful. Oh, and be aware that you may be likely to go over the top - you may well be the one arriving with presents, balloons, a card and chocolates for your partner. Try not to embarrass them!
Pre-menstrual phase (Subconscious / Creative-review / Enchantress phase)
Okay this can be the most difficult phase but it can turn out to be the best! Depending on where you are in your phase will depend on how much energy you will have. If you are early in your phase, then going out is great. Forget the romantic meal, do something which is slightly sexy – go somewhere that you can dress up very sexy and have fun flirting with your partner, or go to a film, show or gallery exhibition which is sexy. This night is not about romantic feelings, but about great sex! Later in the phase however you may feel so tired that you are grumpy at just the thought of having to dress up smart to go out for a meal. In this case, suggest staying at home, perhaps curl up on the sofa with your partner and a DVD, and a large box of chocolates. Warn your partner that the card and presents are important, they help you feel loved and nurtured at a time when life in general seems to be threatening you all the time. Comfort sex is good, and may well wake you up for further fun!
Solution? Give your partner the chance of getting things right by you suggesting the activity for the night – something sexy and outgoing or something comforting and homely. Suggest the present as well – sexy underwear to try out on the day, or a big box of chocolates, a teddy bear and a mushy card.
Menstrual phase (Soul / Reflective / Hag phase)
This phase is about rest and reflection. A meal out is great as long as the journey isn’t too far and you are not expected to dress up like a ‘sex kitten’. Your natural pace is slow in this phase, so expectations of going out clubbing after the meal can become an issue. Your sexuality can be slow too; sex in this phase can be wonderful but you may simply feel disinterested. A massage that sends you to sleep sounds far better! This is not the night to make plans for your future together, but it is the night to listen to your partner talk and to see the feelings behind the words. It is the night to listen to your heart as to whether this is the one you should be with.
Solution? A gentle meal out for two, not far from home and not too dressy or formal. Your partner may be worried at how quiet you are, so reassure them that all is well and that you are enjoying yourself and the meal. Enjoy the sentiment behind the meal and feel special.
For more ideas and a daily plan for living in-tune with your menstrual cycle to create well-being, happiness, success and fulfilment, throughout the month, buy:
The Optimized Woman – using your menstrual cycle to achieve success and fulfilment
Writen by Miranda Gray, 2 Feb 2011.