Having successful conversations about periods

It has been quite an intense few weeks but I’m really happy to be back with a guest post from a lovely friend and fellow student at Alexandra Pope’s apprenticeship program.

Jo Macdonald is the owner of The Red Box Company, an online shop that offers beautifully wrapped boxes full of essentials for a girls first moon. 

But Jo is not only making periods a positive experience by selling her products, she is also running A celebration day for girls, a workshop where she helps mums and daughters deepen their connection by opening to a subject that most mums and girls alike feel very anxious about.

I invite you to have a look at Jo's website and to find out more check her blog The Red Lifestyle where she post on a regular basis about periods, puberty, PMS and much more! 

Thank you Jo for sharing these wise words ♥

-------------------

In her amazing book A Blessing not a Curse Jane Bennett tells the true story of ‘a girl who had no knowledge of menstruation when she first started to bleed.  She felt utterly devastated and alone.  Having no-one she felt she could confide in, she committed suicide.’    

As a woman and a mother I find this story heart-breaking.  I’m sure you do too.  So many of us worry about how to talk to our daughter’s about periods, what to say, when to say it etc.  We can go round and round in circles worrying about it and forget that the only thing that actually matters is SAYING SOMETHING.  It doesn’t matter if you get it all right, it just matters that you START THE CONVERSATION. 

Girls who feel prepared and positive about their periods are more likely to:

~ have a more positive view of their body and self as a female

~ have a closer relationship with their family

~ delay first sexual experiences

~ suffer less with menstrual issues such as PMS

~ have an easier time during pregnancy and labour later on in life

Here are some of my top tips for having a successful conversation about periods and puberty with your daughter:

1            Puberty can start as young as 7/8 so the earlier you start preparing your daughter for the changes ahead the better it will be.  Age-appropriate conversations about growing-up and body changes set the foundation for a healthy respect and understanding of the changes ahead.  If your daughter is older, don’t feel as though you’ve ‘left it too late so why bother’ – it is never too late to help your daughter feel positive about periods and puberty.   

2            ‘Do as I say and not as I do’ just doesn’t cut it with periods.  Your daughter needs to see that you have a healthy relationship with your own menstrual cycle, or are at least working towards one.   Remember to use positive language.  If you refer to periods as ‘the curse’ or a ‘real drag’ you will be setting her up for a lifetime of menstrual problems as well as a negative image of her own body.  She needs to understand that menstruation is a normal and powerful part of being a woman so she can feel powerful in herself and respect her femininity.

3            Remember that your daughter is new to menstruation and needs as much information as possible.  Don’t assume that all of this will get covered in school.  Grab some books to read together, look on the internet, talk to others and check out all the different choices available when it comes to menstrual products.

4            If she doesn’t want to talk about periods then leave it for a while but do make sure you come back to the topic again as she will take on board the information you give her – even if it is drip-fed and she doesn’t say thanks!

For more information on successful conversations you can download my free book 7 top tips for talking to your daughter about periods and puberty

Your daughter only gets her first period once but will continue to menstruate for around 35 years.  It’s worth taking the time to make sure it is a positive experience and that her menstrual cycle becomes a positive, empowering part of her life not a curse.

For more information you can visit my website www.theredboxcompany.com    

     

The Red Tent

She began to nurse dark fears about the future. She would never bleed, never marry Jacob, never bear sons. Suddenly, the small, high breasts of which she had been so proud seemed puny to her. Perhaps she was a freak, a hermaphrodite like the gross idol in her father’s tent, the one with a tree stalk between its legs and teats like a cow. So Rachel tried to rush her season. Before the next new moon, she baked cakes of offering to the Queen of Heaven, something she had never done before, and slept a whole night with her belly pressed up against the base of the asherah.

But the moon waned and grew round again, while Rachel’s thighs remained dry. She walked into the village by herself to ask the midwife, Inna, for help and was given an infusion of ugly nettles that grew in a nearby wadi. But again the new moon came and again Rachel remained a child.

As the following moon waned, Rachel crushed bitter berries and called her older sisters to see the stain on her blanket. But the juice was purple, and Leah and Zilpah laughed at the seeds on her thighs. The next month, Rachel hid in her tent, and did not even slip away once to find Jacob.

Finally, in the ninth month after Jacob’s arrival, Rachel bled her first blood, and cried with relief. Adah, Leah, and Zilpah sang the piercing, throaty song that announces births, deaths, and women’s ripening. As the sun set on the new moon when all the women commenced bleeding, they rubbed henna on Rachel’s fingernails and on the soles of her feet. Her eyelids were painted yellow, and they slid every bangle, gem, and jewel that could be found onto her fingers, toes, ankles, and wrists. They covered her head with the finest embroidery and led her into the red tent.

They sang songs for the goddesses; for Innana and the Lady Asherah of the Sea. They spoke of Elath, the mother of the seventy gods, including Anath in that number, Anath the

nursemaid, defender of mothers. They sang:

“Whose fairness is like Anath’s fairness?

Whose beauty like Astarte’s beauty?

“Astarte is now in your womb,

You bear the power of Elath.”

The women sang all the welcoming songs to her while Rachel ate date honey and fine wheat-flour cake, made in the threecornered shape of woman’s sex. She drank as much sweet wine as she could hold. Adah rubbed Rachel’s arms and legs, back and abdomen with aromatic oils until she was nearly asleep. By the time they carried her out into the field where she married the

earth, Rachel was stupid with pleasure and wine. She did not remember how her legs came to be caked with earth and crusted with blood and smiled in her sleep.

She was full of joy and anticipation, lazing in the tent for the three days, collecting the precious fluid in a bronze bowl—for the first-moon blood of a virgin was a powerful libation for the garden. During those hours, she was more relaxed and generous than anyone could remember her.

As soon as the women rose from their monthly rites, Rachel demanded that the wedding date be set. None of her footstamping could move Adah to change the custom of waiting seven months from first blood. So it was arranged, and although Jacob had already worked a year for Laban, the contract was sealed and the next seven months were Laban’s too.

Extract of the book The Red Tent

Photo: Red Tent movie - things we don't talk about

A wonderful rite of passage

The story I'm about to share with you, is a beautiful story written by Amrita Hobbs, an English teacher who lives in Australia and dedicates her time working with girls in rites of passage. 


In this story Amrita tells us about Alicia, a girl who is about to experience her menarche, a key change in every woman. 


Here, she describes an ideal world, something that Amrita wishes for every girl. The story is full of new possibilities and ideals, it plants new seeds in our subconscious and makes us realize that if every woman could grow up free of taboos, accepting what she is and her blood, the world would be a different place. 


I hope you enjoy it!
Belinda 

Open publication - Free publishing - More menarche